Professor Hauptmann’s Performing Dogs Songtext
von Peggy Lee

Ladies and gentlemen, we proudly present the headlining
Act of the day! An act that has played for the crowned
Heads of Europe, appearing for the first time in the U.S.A.!
Professor Hopman′s performing dogs
Professor Hopman's miraculous dogs
Jugglers and acrobats dressed up like clowns
Dogs in tuxedos and swank evening gowns
Some dressed like sailors in navy blue jeans
Standing up and acting just like real human beings
Professor Hopman′s performing dogs
Professor Hopman's incredible dogs
One rides a pony and carries a purse
One is on roller skates just like a nurse
A dog in a derby is doing a dance
A mutt in red suspenders keeps on losing his pants
Someone up there in the third mezzanine
Said, "Ain't that the cutest thing you′ve ever seen?"
An elegant pup in a black tie stood
Up at the piano and started to play
An Alsatian hound all bejeweled and


Begowned heard the music and started to bay
The first tenor howled and the baritone
Growled and the audience shouted, "Hooray!"
A little Chihuahua got so excited it had to be taken away
Someone up there in the third mezzanine
Said, "Ain′t that the cutest thing you've ever seen?"
Professor Hopman′s performing dogs
Professor Hopman's spectacular dogs
Watch them do somersaults, cartwheels and springs
See them cavorting and jumping through rings
Breathtaking stunts that amaze and surprise
Feats of skill and daring right before your own eyes
Seventeen schnauzers in bell bottom
Trousers come tumbling out of a bar
They stagger and stumble and fall down
And fumble then all tumble into a car
One starts up the motor and lo and behold
He crashes it right through the rail
A big English bulldog dressed up like a
Cop arrests them and takes them to jail
Someone up there in the third mezzanine
Said, "Ain′t that the cutest thing you've ever seen?"
Professor Hopman′s performing dogs
Professor Hopman's unparalleled dogs
For our grand finale, those marvelous
Mongrels surpassing their previous tricks
Those incomparable canines alive and
In person enacting the Spirit of '76
One plays the fife and one beats the drum
One waves the flag while he walks and chews gum
Marching together with boots on their feet
Shoulder to shoulder and right on the beat
Then on rush the red coats and U.S. Marines
They fire guns and fall down dead just like human beings
Someone up there in the third mezzanine
Said, "Ain′t that the cutest thing you′ve ever seen?"
Professor Hopman's performing dogs
Professor Hopman′s heartwarming, super
Barnstorming, super performing dogs